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If I survive the weekend...

My life is now a wibbly wobbly timey wimey thing, at least for the next week or so.

First, a recap. I've been going over my doc for Terra Paradox, cleaning it up as best I can, line by line, before I send it off to be edited. I'm not in a rush right now because I still have to work the financials on it, but it will all fall into place when it needs to. This is just kind of a touchy time financially. I probably won't be able to afford Celtic Fling this year (I'll do my best to go there one day, but two seems iffy). At least with my friend Kris going both days, I wouldn't need to drive.

I emailed a friend who does cover art to talk pricing, and a rough estimate seems to be around $800 (she's a painter, does everything by hand, you know, old school). At this point that's out of the question so I need to think up alternatives as far as Terra Paradox is concerned. I still hope that the first book will go towards paying for the second, and so forth. Of course, if I somehow manage a traditional contract, I won't have to worry about covers, but then I might end up with horrible covers, since authors have no say in such things under the traditional structure. For now, I'll focus on the story itself.

Then the other day while questing near Bree with my 10th level human Champion, Braithwyn, I had a musebomb explode in my head. I treat my MMORPG characters as full entities, with a past and a personality and motivations. Well, Braithwyn suddenly decided she wanted me to tell her story. Which as it turns out can be told without having anything to do with Middle Earth. This is a serious departure from my modern fantasy stuff, and different from the high epic fantasy I attempted in college. It's a medieval fantasy, yes, but magic is secondary to the plot and all the characters are human. I'm really excited about this. I'm still apparently on a gender-bendy kick, which is fine because I love writing about the full spectrum of humanity. Besides, who best to write about gender-bendy people than the gender-bendy man himself? Unlike Terra Paradox, however, this book will be a love story (wrapped up in epic adventure time!) and it will defy a lot of conventions, which is not what I set out to do, but it's how the story's forming in my head. I think it will end up being longer than Terra Paradox (currently clocking at just under 40k words), but may not reach the 90k estimate for Gypsy Fiddle.

Speaking of, the Tyn Man and Mad Elf stories are being pushed back as a result. I've been working on Gypsy Fiddle (I am looking for a new title, but it's been difficult) since November of 2008 and it's gone through multiple rewrites. I'm not sure at this point why that is. It will get finished, but I'm not going to stress over it at this point.

That said, real life is kicking me kind of hard right now. While I look forward to a visit from a friend on Friday evening, my flat is a mess and I don't have much time to get it presentable. I should have seen this coming, except I have no concept of time and thought I had much more to work with. Further complicating things, I don't have any cleaning supplies so need to run to the store to get some. Which I would've done today except I'm filling in at the café this afternoon. As the plan stands right now, this evening I'll hit the 24-hour grocery store and do most of the cleaning tomorrow.

Then the holiday weekend arrives and I have all kinds of things going on that I'm not sure I can handle. I may skip one or two and just stay home. I would love to make it to the Green Street Vegetarian Club's Memorial Day pot luck, but I don't know what I can bring as far as food. Maybe I'll bring drinks or something. Coke is vegan, right? Haha.

On Monday, Hugh from The Way of the Buffalo podcast and a friend are stopping in Harrisburg on their way up from Balticon so we may be meeting up for sushi dinner. I look forward to that. We've only corresponded on twitter and G+, but he seems like a good person. And he helped bring Sarah mermaiden's The Dark Wife
to life as an audiobook.

I should get a shower and start picking up around here a little. I suspect the marked-for-goodwill boxes in the living room will end up in the back of the puddle jumper (again) to make room for company. And even though I tried to warn my friend off, he can be quite convincing. Truth be told, I do look forward to spending time with him. I may even cook, if I can fit some food into the budget. ;)

I'm awfully chatty this morning, aren't I?

I enjoy thinking about spirituality and myth and mysticism. I wouldn't be much of a fantasist if I didn't, though I do not necessarily believe in any of those things. I see humanity's spirituality as an aspect of brain function that we may not fully understand yet. That doesn't mean I dismiss it. On the contrary, I find it fascinating. I see organised religion as a mutation of that spirituality, or that spirituality being taken advantage of by greedy men in order to exercise control. But I digress. As a result of my mostly materialistic view, I don't spend much time wondering why things happen, in a cosmic sense. I just focus on taking advantage of the good things and surviving the bad ones.

Like losing my job. It could be classified as a bad thing, but I'm working hard at turning it into a positive. I'm still not there, but I will be, because I'm not giving up. I may pause and regroup, but I will never give up.

I am glad I have supportive friends and family, though for a while I've longed to have people around me who shared my enthusiasm for things. I have friends who are enthusiastic about music that I love, and friends who are fannish about the fandoms I'm in. My family is a bunch of D&D nerds and I love that. But when it came to my love and affinity for faerie culture, I didn't really have anybody in my life who enjoyed it on quite the same level as I. Somebody who understands the feeling of coming home whenever I go to Faerie Con (and more recently, the Spoutwood Fairie Festival).

I think we live in a jaded, cynical world a lot of the time. Where being geeky about some things is just not 'cool', so we tone it down. To borrow words from Darren Hayes, we tone our magic down. So I am over the moon that I've met, thanks to the magic of the internet, my faerie sisters Sarah and Jenn. I see that love of life in them that I don't always see anywhere else. <33333

I grew up having to tone down a lot of things. I identify in a lot of ways with the heroine of Terra Paradox, Rae, which is probably why the story that I began writing in the 90's and shelved came back in an altered form to me. Even though I may still not technically have to conform, something so ingrained is hard to kick. Fairy festivals in particular help me work through that, like therapy, but with better music (and probably cheaper). I think all of us spend our lives 'finding ourselves', but some of us had to wear so many masks in our youth that peeling the layers takes more time and effort.

Anyway, I'm really running short on time here so I have to stop even though I could probably go on forever. Thank me later. ;)

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
willow_cabin
May. 24th, 2012 03:45 pm (UTC)
We are over the moon to have met you, too! :)
elven_wolf
May. 24th, 2012 05:11 pm (UTC)
<3333
aerialmelodies
May. 24th, 2012 05:27 pm (UTC)
I agree with you 100% about society losing it's sense of wonder and becoming jaded. I have friends who don't understand why people cosplay or dress up for festivals (like Spoutwood or Ren Fests) but dress up for Halloween. The day makes the difference? I think not, and it's so much fun to let that inner child out to play~ It's so important and so freeing that I can't possibly imagine my own world without it. Here's to finding yourself through life, love, and a bit of magic. :)
elven_wolf
May. 25th, 2012 03:43 am (UTC)
Yes, we definitely should play more. :D
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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