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Of varmint and kipple

Those of you following me on Twitter have read about the Possum Panic of last night.

Yes, in the middle of the night (I was still up, though), Merlin began to sniff at a certain spot under my bed. I pulled the bed back and saw this furry thing with a long naked tail scurry to stay under the bed. At first I thought 'RAT!' and flailed about in a panic. Trembling, I decided I couldn't simply run away from the problem so I grabbed a stick and pulled the mattress back.

It was a baby possum, about the size of my hand. Cute, really, but certainly not belonging indoors. My bed frame is a wooden Ikea futon frame, about an inch or two from the floor, with wide gaps between the slats. I was able to poke the possum with a stick to get him out and out the door to the garden.

Still shaky, I went on to try and figure out how the thing got inside in the first place. That's when Merlin found the second one hiding in the closet. I used the stick again, though this one was twice as difficult because while the bed and the door are in a straight line, I had to get this possum to go one way first (out of the closet) and then another (towards the door), but I did it. I'm sure it was a comical sight, though, not to mention my yells of 'OUT! OUT! PA'FUERA! SACATE!'

At this point I began to tear the room apart but I was tired. I saw no way for it to come inside. I slept fitfully in the living room, dreaming of giant mama possums.

This morning I got the landlord down and we checked out the basement using her beagle as a bloodhound. We have a couple of theories, but no evidence of a nest in the basement or breached seals in the vents. There are two potential entry points which we will have to seal off, but for now, it's back to sleeping in the living room and keeping an eye (and Merlin's nose) out.

In the meantime, I managed to fill three large trash bags full of kipple. I have been for the past few months on a campaign against kipple. My apartment and life have become overrun with kipple. And Dick was right, it does reproduce by itself. The next few days I will completely de-kipple the bedroom. Mark my words.

The dresser is probably next. I do wish I had a trunk, though, one of those big old-timey ones where I can put all my costumes. I wonder if I can get one at like a second-hand store or something. Right now my costumes are spread all over. (But the orange vest I bemoaned about losing? I found it. In my parents' house. I don't even know!)

Next time I move, I'm opting for a place with no furniture. In the beginning I thought a furnished apartment was a great deal, but turns out it's not so much. It gets in the way and I can't simply get rid of it. It's too big. All I need is a surface to sleep on, a table and chair for eating, and shelves. I don't need two couches, a big bulky chair to match, four chairs, and a big bed. It's a bitch to clean.

Anyway, I'm thinking of moving after a year, so step one is getting rid of all the kipple.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
ahavia
Aug. 19th, 2012 11:31 pm (UTC)
What is kipple?
Whatever it is, I hope you can get rid of it and possums.
Ahavia
elven_wolf
Aug. 19th, 2012 11:35 pm (UTC)
There's the First Law of Kipple... 'Kipple drives out nonkipple.'
...Kipple is useless objects, like junk mail or match folders after you use the last match or gum wrappers or yesterday's homeopape. When nobody's around, kipple reproduces itself. For instance, if you to go bed leaving any kipple around your apartment, when you wake up there is twice as much of it. It always gets more and more.
No one can win against kipple, except temporarily and maybe in one spot.
- Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? Philip K. Dick, 1968
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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