James (elven_wolf) wrote,

  • Mood:

On Satan's Club and Hellmart

Because I refuse to call them anything else.

I swear that place is an evil conspiracy to promote obesity. They have this commercial on cable that has these women talking about physical fitness and how they buy healthy food at Hellmart and such...

Bull. SHIT.

I've been to Hellmart and Satan's Club. That place hates the thin people and the vegetarians. Aisles upon aisles of Cheetos and Doughnuts and soda. At one time, they actually had the big boxes of low-fat microwave popcorn. Now all they have is Fat! and Now With More Fat! popcorn. Aisles upon aisles of candy and cookies! Aisles upon aisles of greasy this and oily that! Cans upon cans of soup, but they all got chicken or beef in it. Not to mention mountains of sodium.

Of course, you don't have to buy the greasy crap, you don't even have to shop there, but you know they use the mindcontrol rays. And when you're poor, you can't just dismiss the 25 pounds of chicken for 10 fucks.

[Note: I meant to say 'bucks', but I swear I wrote fucks the first time and I found that so amusing--and telling--that I left it that way for your entertainment.]

I'm completely useless as a human being. I can never remember my bra size. I ended up with a pair that was 2 sizes too small. The fact that my grandmother pointed out my error, in the store, did nothing to deter me, because I was sure I was right. But at least, thanks to her, I only got one instead of the two I'd taken.

The only fitting punishment will now be for me to wear the undersized bra. Or lose more weight so it will fit. Or both. Either one works.

In my defence, I'd skipped breakfast and wasn't thinking clearly. Or at all.

Satan thinks he can put on a front by setting up a Subway on the premises, but the employees are completely mentally impaired and couldn't fold my wrap right. I had to do it myself. Not to mention they couldn't figure out grandma only wanted cheese on hers. Grandma isn't very assertive, though, if she'd let me, I would've gotten her her sandwich. Because when the employees get confused, that's your best chance to use that to your advantage and get what you want before they can even think clearly.

But, I did get some lotion and bodywash and a new sponge and tank tops!

I feel dirty now.

Tags: hellmart

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