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This is all Jen's fault. I went out of my way to put the porniest, cheesiest words in this thing, just to see what it would spit out. I purposely thought of all the bad porn I'd ever read and the cliché words they use.

This... read at your own risk.

A Penis In Time

On a weeping and throbbing morning, Radek sat on his back. It wasValentine's Day and he was all alone. His hand ached in sorrow for thesecret love that he could never share. How could he expect John to lovesomeone with a veiny mouth?

Stupidly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love islike a purple engorged cock, all on a summer's day. I wish my Johnwould thrust me, in his own bulbous way..."

"Do you?" John sat down beside Radek and put his hand on Radek's asshole. "I think that could be arranged."

Radek gasped slowly. "But what about my veiny mouth?"

"I like it," John said gleefully. "I think it's velvety."

They came together and their kiss was like a penis that grows hard when stroked.

"I love you," Radek said hard.

"I love you too," John replied and licked him.

They bought a dog, moved in together, and lived throatily ever after.

And there you have it... *dies*

Make your own. Or on second thought, don't.



( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 16th, 2006 01:28 am (UTC)
This is all your fault. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.
I'm Dreaming Of A Vapid Christmas

It was Christmas Eve. Rodney sat exitedly on a dock, sipping vibrant eggnog.

He looked at the gritty hairbrush hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, John had hung it there, just before they looked at each other slowly and then fell into each other's arms and threw each other's neck.

If only I hadn't been so crazy, Rodney thought, pouring a discordant amount of rum into his eggnog. Then John might not have got so tumescent and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a scintillating tear and held his arm in his hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a somnolent voice lifted silkily up in song.

I'm dreaming of a vapid Christmas

Just like a silverfish flitting between the rocks

Rodney ran to the door. It was John, looking undulating all over with snow.

"I missed you disarmingly," John said. "And I wanted to throw your neck again."

Rodney hugged John and started to sob.

"I think you're drunk," John said.

"I think so too," Rodney said and they threw each other's neck until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted cat ass and lived quickly until Rodney got drunk again.
Jun. 16th, 2006 02:20 am (UTC)
Re: This is all your fault. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.
*lmao* Ate roasted cat ass and lived quickly until Rodney got drunk again! *dies*
Jun. 19th, 2006 06:37 pm (UTC)
Oh my ::huge gigglefit:: I'm going to have to spend some quality time with this later. I'm thinking Hugh and Cadfael :D
Jun. 30th, 2006 03:13 am (UTC)
Even though you purposely made this the porniest, cheesiest writing you possibly could, it's a heck of a lot better then most of the stuff out there.

I'm not sure if that'd make me happy or sad.
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 7th, 2006 10:54 am (UTC)
There's no such thing as shouldn't when it comes to laughing. *lol*
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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