Okay, to be fair, it's not the same sort of tardery. Instead of getting a scantily clad female asking me to 'GO LOOK AT MY HAWT PITCHOORS MYSPACE WON'T LET ME POST!' I get an email from somebody claming to be named Nicole Tracy. I decided I would simply play along and have some fun with her. I have to share this with you.
how are you doing i really like your profile you sound so intresting to me i will like to know you much better well if you dont mind to talk to me on private so that will can get to know more about me and you i like you what i saw in your profile, well will can talk on firstname.lastname@example.org i will be there waiting for you
get back to me very soon
[So after this email I didn't reply. I looked at her profile, shrugged, and sent a 'Hi', which in Wayn-speek is a canned hello message you can click on to send to somebody if you're too lazy to type one yourself. She may have replied to that, or simply written to me again.]
Hi , I'm Nicole Tracy .Let me first of all introduce myself....Well am the only child of my parents ,and lived with my dad until he died last year..I have never had chance to be live with my mom,cos she left my dad since i was 2 yrs olds... I'm 26 years old, 5' 6", about 125lb, single never married of course. !.I work as an artiste....i was introduced into the business by my dad !...Deal with artworks stuffs ...It often involves traveling inorder 2 get d Arts..Am a lady with a joyfull character, independant, optimistic, respectfull, sensual and attractive..I like going to beaches,camping ,watching movies,dinners , clubs and listening to musicals as hobbies,My favourite sports are Football,basketball.....My last dating was really horrible....My last ex boy friend was a Drug addict and since i caught him,i have vowed not to be with him..Cos he has really hurt my feelings and heart cos i was really honest to him instead....Now so much coucious looking for my Mr right .someone to love and will love me back same way without any hinderance of any kind..I like kids but got none but i really want a new family one day!..I live alone right now..Thats just brief abt me....I will really like to know u better ,if you respond back to my message...I do love to see more pix of u lol...Interesting to know who u are very well....
I hope to hear back from you soonest..
Regards with luv,
[I'm thinking lonelygirl15 or whatever her name was at this point. You're making all this drama up. So get snarky and reply, totally talking way above her head, quite on purpose.]
Wow, that's quite a summary there. Well, this is the story of my life. I was raised on the little Caribbean Island formerly known as San Juan Bautista, where I had few friends of all different types, yet my oppressive Catholic upbringing forbade me from being 'unusual' myself. I dated a few girls thinking that would make me 'normal', but finally gave up on that fallacy and came out as gay. Now I write fantasy and science fiction novels which represent people from all walks of life, and which hopefully will touch the lives of other queer youth. Or maybe I just write because I have to, and hope to publish because I'm weary of the drudgery of my current employment. Also, bad spelling and grammar turn me WAY off.
[I wondered if she were bright enough to give up after that... I was wrong. So wrong.]
Hi , Thnx for writing back..I think we might have some things in common,,Well right now am on a short business trip to some place in western africa...i was introduce into the Job by my Dad.. and i have been going and coming for 2 years to buy Art works....I came to buy some of my artworks and crafts that i sell few days ago...I will be back home early next week...So i will like to know more about u.I'm never married and have no kids but hope i do have a family someday!I am from Oregon mount hood...Do u have kids?have u been married before?Do u live alone?What do u really do 4 living ...Do u wanna meet in person when am back so we can get on together?Have u ever been outta the county before?...Actually right now i am Lodging in an Hotel here in Lagos...I do like to know where u really live...Let me stop here for now,,I will be waiting for your response to my questions?Let me see more pix of u if u got more?
Cheers and God bless
[Nicole cares... about what? About being single and not married, 'of course'? About that western African nation she hasn't bothered to learn the name of?]
Oh, so you're gay too? That takes a load off my mind, I thought you were hitting on me. I don't have kids, never married (not legal yet). I've been to Canada, actually. Ever been there? They make great science fiction movies.
I live in Hicksville, Pennsyltucky. Quite boring actually, but woodsy.
[Now I'm just being silly because being subtle was not working. Stay tuned for the next installment, should there be one.]