James (elven_wolf) wrote,

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Apologies if this comes out more emo than I normally intend.

I don't actually feel too horrible right now. I made it home without my gas light coming on, though it surely will on the way to work tomorrow, but gas is low this week and I have a couple of $5's in my wallet courtesy of my friend Kris which I will use to get gas in the morning.

There is no food in the kitchen, but the hot spiced wine I'm drinking has calmed my stomach. I'll make it til morning.

Yeah, perhaps I shouldn't have spent what little money I had going to the Ren Faire on Sunday, but if I never did anything fun what would be the point of eating regular? Don't I deserve a little bit of joy every now and then? I mean c'mon. I met Aya Thorne. Now I'm kind of realising that I never really did look him in the eye, I was nervous. LOL. So I don't really remember much about what he looked like up close. D'oh. LOL. But he's got like a foot on me so most of what I remember seeing was his chest anyway.

Anyway, it was worth it. Since Darren Hayes isn't touring for the time being, I think I will make a point to follow Albannach around next year when they come back stateside. I make no apologies for my fantardery. But their next US show is in Kentucky. Oy. In May. Anybody live near KY whom I might use as an excuse to be in the area? ;) Nah, I'll just wait til they do the MD Ren Fest and hit up that weekend. They're close enough.

Kristen is making fish. It smells delicious. But I did not get an offer, so she probably only made one serving, which is fine. I don't ask for food, but won't turn it away when offered. She did give me some pumpkin loaf last night. There's no shame in this.

It's made me rather contemplative of a lot of things lately, though. Work, money, relationships, friends, the future. I don't give up hope, no matter how bleak things seem and how difficult it is just to work up the giveafuck to get out of bed in the morning. But it is bleak. There was always that bit of doubt before I moved out that I wouldn't be able to afford it, and I'm barely making ends meet as it is. But there's been a progression of things coming up, payments getting unexpectedly higher, the economy going to shit, that I had no way of predicting.

Ubiquitous lack of creativity permeates these days, and I've tried to focus on reading when I can't write, just to keep that concept, the thread of creative fiction flowing through my brain somehow.

I forgot to finish this, so this is it. G'night.
Tags: life sucks kinda, money, ren faire, work

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