"So what if I can't eat because I gotta pay all these bills?" I asked. "Does it cover me then?"
"Well if you lose your job--"
"I have a job, I just don't make enough for all this. Thank you, have a nice day."
So, as a temporary measure, I called Master Card to increase my limit (before I tank my credit by closing the Visa) so that I can do a balance transfer and tell Visa to suck my dick. My main problem with the Master Card was that the minimum payments were never going to get my balance down. So I paid it down to a couple of hundred. If I move everything into it, and pay as much as I possibly can each month, I'm still paying less interest.
*takes a shower, returns 30 minutes later* Sweet! Approved!
Okay, plan B. Scrounge up as much as possible throughout April. Pay the Visa down as much as humanly possible. Then, at the 11th hour, transfer the whole shebang into the Master Card. Keep the Visa open just as a last 'fuck you', but hide it in a drawer and never use it. Not closing it will look better for my credit anyway. That way they still get fucked and I win.
Thanks to everyone who's commented to my wangsting.
This means possibly no school this year, and no kilt this year. I still want season passes for the Ren Faire, but I'm putting that on the bottom of the list. Cutting road trips down to a minimum until I've brought the balance down. I can do this. I hope.