This is the first time my work has been professionally edited. Intellectually, it's awesome. Emotionally, it's a roller coaster. Mentally, I know that I'm on a learning curve with both YA and 1st person. I knew that going in. But every correction reads to my ego as "This is bad, and you should feel bad." So whenever I sit down to work on it, I can only do so for a short time before I'm all "Fuck this shit."
In the meantime, I still have other writing projects I want to get done. But I can't justify working on them when I can't finish the one I'm almost done with. And despite my insecurities, I believe in those stories. I know they can be better than this one and I'm learning from my mistakes. But it's still exhausting.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and have The Outlaw Duchess and Changeling completed and ready for you. I still feel you'll love them, though I'm sure when I get to edit them, I will go through the same flailing I'm going through now.
It's hard for me to talk about this because I want you to believe in me, and want to read my work because that's why I write in the first place, but this is my journal and I'll whine if I want to. LOL
And I haven't stopped believing that I will be great some day, though there's no rational basis for it. It just feels so far away sometimes. And maybe that's just something I'll have to live with.