August 4th, 2005


Slash-coloured glasses

We all create our own reality, and after a while, we tend to forget that our reality seems insane to other people. *lol* Yes, regardless of what you believe, there is probably more than one person out there who will take one look at your reality and brand you with a big fat 'Batshit Insane' sticker. We tend to try to avoid this sort of thing by finding others whose reality coincides with ours on some level and sticking to those groups. (This is how, worst case scenario, religion gets started, I suppose.)

This is a defence mechanism, which at its most basic is actually quite harmless. Problems start arising when you stop having a sense of humour about it and start thinking everyone else needs to believe what you do.

But I'm veering from the point. Even though in the part of my brain full of facts and figures and statistics I am quite aware that a good 50 60 70% (and that's my final offer!) of the human population is probably mostly straight, I can't help but see slash everywhere.

[Sidebar: And you know you have it bad when you start slashing random people at the mall. Like yesterday I saw this sporty guy and this geeky guy together on what appeared to be a double date with two girls... and I kept thinking 'hm, if I distract the girls long enough, the boys will realise they don't need girls anyway...' But you already know I'm batshit insane. *snerk*]

It's fun for me. I suppose that's an oversimplified answer but it's as close to it as I can get. Maybe what they say about me being a gay guy deep down is true (as they've reminded me when I recently admitted to not only owning Village People and Weather Girls records, but also enjoying them quite heartily). I guess I don't have an inner child, what I have is an inner fag. *lol*

But anyway, moving on. It's always a little mystifying to talk to someone with a completely opposing worldview. I don't mean in religion, because I live with a fundie, for cryin' out loud, so that sort of thing is daily routine, but other things that through lack of challenge I've come to take for granted.

My brain is good at selective 'belief'. Or rather, separating my worldview from those of others. I think as an only child I had a very active inner world and I learned early on that my inner world was mine alone, no less real, but something that I didn't need to explain to anyone and that in fact it was best not to sometimes. It may or may not have been the seed of my overall skepticism, the awareness that everyone sees things differently and nobody has absolute truth.

Until I discovered writing. *beams* I could share things I'd made up, and play with the universes of others.

Which may be part of why in a recent discussion on canon vs. slash I found myself at a loss for much to say, and what I ended up saying didn't really seem to encompass everything I was thinking. Because even through my early Mary Sue phases back in seventh grade and all my meandering adventures ever since, I've functioned in the knowledge that what we see on the screen or even read on a book is a summary. Not every show is '24', and each 43 minute episode has to include just the more important highlights of whatever plot is being presented. People still have to shit and shower and eat and have conversations about bullshit while they're waiting to go back into action. And yes, have sex. With people they know, and most of the people they know are the people they're having the adventures with. And all this stuff doesn't happen on screen, but it has to happen within the reality presented. People don't get put in stasis pods when we're not looking at them.

And the beauty of it is, this is YOUR domain. The 'between scenes' stuff is all for us. It is the gift of fiction to the audience. And if you decide that in these unseen moments the characters are going out for pizza or playing checkers or fucking each other's brains out or not fucking anything at all, it's ALL TRUE. Why? Because none of it really is, and by its very nature, my fanfic is no more true than the show itself, and no less true. It's all fiction, and once it's published, it ceases to be controled by the author. It truly is like sending your child off to college, being a writer. You've done all you can at this point, and you have to expect that the world at large will have an influence on your 'child', and that you may not like everything your kid does, but you can't stop him from doing it.

And then there's the stuff we do see, and even that is open to interpretation. Our whole perception of the world is interpretation of what we see. You see me writing this, you may wonder why I wrote it, and you're going to explain it in the way you see fit. You may extrapolate from this text line by line and find the explanation. You may think I've explained it in so and so paragraph, or you may look at your experience with me as a whole and interpret my psyche and what led me to write this, just for an example. I can't refute any of it. Even if I tried, you believe what you believe, because your own mind is your only tool to understanding the universe and your own explanation may make more sense to you than mine.

And that's fine. That's the way it works.

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*laughs* Looking back at this whole entry, it reads like an oral report I gave in Uni. Only it was Xena back then instead of Stargate. Complete with pictures. Of course, the Xena pics were a lot more ambiguous, because that was one show that had fun with its own subtext. But when you look at the show itself, you can try and rationalise it as much as any other show.

Okay, I'm done with lecture mode. This either means I need to go back to school or get a job teaching film theory. *lol* I guess some things about my education stuck. Too bad I'm not actually doing much with it. *lol* I think I got carried away by subliminal nostalgia. I think my original point was that we're all right, even if other people's right seems to make little sense to me. And we all tend to be a little afraid of things that don't make sense to us.

Okay, off to play with my own universes. ;)
  • Current Mood
    nerdy nerdy

You Know You've Been Watching Too Much Stargate...

...when you see this headline: "Ancients Rarely Punished Prostitutes" and the next immediate thought was "So Oma Desala was really in the wrong line of work there..." [Edit: And then your second thought is "...but they punished Chaya. Those archaeologists are wrong..."]

In other news, I'm so idiotic. I turned on Windows Media Player, picked a playlist, hit play... Three whole tracks later I realised I wasn't hearing anything and that I'd forgotten to turn the speakers on. *facepalms* I must've really been intent on catching up with the flist.

In other other news, hair is slipperier than you'd think. I almost slipped on the trimmings at the salon today. There was like an ocean of trimmings after my haircut. I'm never letting it get that bad again, I don't care what I say.
  • Current Music
    Carfax Abbey - Soul to Bleed